Beware, call girls

They are the call girls. Basically what it means is that no matter what you buy — a car, a cellphone connection, a fridge, a washing machine, a computer or a condom — one of these girls calls you and asks you for your feedback. However, the amazing thing is that these girls who call you are not regular human beings. They sound nice and friendly and sexy but are trained only to respond to certain key words.From what I can gather the call girls sit with a questionnaire and go though a whole list of questions with you moving on to the next question upon a certain key word that you say. So if they hear you say 'problem', they will immediately move to ''oh, sir, what's the problem'', or if you say 'no problem' they say ''thank you, sir, and any suggestions.'' n So, a conversation with them can easily go something like this:''Hullo, may I speak to Mr Shivajeet Kulvendu.'' And you reply, ''Speaking, but my name is Shivjeet Kullar.'' They will say, ''Yes Sir, of course, Sir.''nThen they ask, ''And how are you doing today, Sir.'' You could answer, ''Well, I don't know, my stomach is out, so I'm here in the loo, my dog's stomach is out, but he went on my neighbour's doormat, my wife I think is kissing the driver, my son went to sleep in a nightie for some reason, and my daughter is having a whiskey for breakfast, but apart from that I'm fine.''n''Fine Sir, that's wonderful to hear. My name is Antara, I'm calling from Hairtel Customer Care and I would like to know if you are happy with the instrument and connection you have taken from us.'' And you answer, ''Well I was happy at first, but then one night I got drunk and drove my car into a rubbish dump. There was a cow standing there and I think it got very angry, which is odd because I thought cows were peace-loving. Anyway it came forward and ate up my cellphone, and ever since I have been facing a problem.''nShe replies, ''Oh problem, I see Sir, what kind of problem?'' So you answer, ''Well now I've brought the cow home with me and the problem is that when the phone rings I can barely hear it.''''Oh, the ring is too soft Sir, have you tried and adjust the volume of your handset?'' You consider this and answer, ''Well I thought of that even but I'm not sure whether to reach for the phone through the cow's front, or through his backside.''n''Well Sir, I'm glad to inform you that you are still covered in the warranty period, so if you bring the instrument to our service centre which is at 12 Gowshala Road, our engineers will examine it and fix it free of cost, as long as no spare parts are needed!''(kullar@indiatimes.com)